Do You Know the Crazy Complexities of Female Friendship? My Brilliant Friend

Elena Ferrante's Novel

I met Sandy Budd in third grade, and while I don't remember the exact circumstances of our introduction, I do know that we were inseparable for three years. We were connected by an immediate bond that held us together like glue. Two girls from the same neighborhood, we went to school together, did sleepovers, and often accompanied each other to school functions and parties. Almost six decades later, I still consider Sandy one of my dearest friends, even though we live hundreds of miles apart and haven't spent much time together since Junior High. Life took us in different directions, but the memories and love didn't dissipate.

It's no wonder that I appreciated Elena Ferrante's novel My Brilliant Friend. I hadn't heard of it until it appeared on the New York Times' 100 best books of the century list. Not only did the novel appear on the list, but it was also ranked number one by reviewers! How had I missed this one?

My Brilliant Friend felt so real...

What endeared me to the book is the microscopic attention to emotional details. How could I so suddenly remember - in vivid detail - a green and pink flowered dress my friend Sandy Budd wore in third grade? Why was I immersed in the memory of playing hand-clapping games on the playground with Sandy? ("My boyfriend's name is Lucky / He came from old Kentucky....") What caused me to remember a contest on the swingset to see who could fly the highest, kicking our feet and pulling our arms to the limits our eight-year-old physiques would allow?

Reading this novel caused me to remember my own special childhood friend. Maybe that's why it was voted as the Number One book of the 21st century in the most recent poll. People like to remember youth and friendships.

One scene in My Brilliant Friend describes how the two girls mirror each other's play until they come together, exchanging dolls and ending in a scene that foreshadows their relationship in future years. Ferrante, the author, describes the tension between affection and jealousy in girlfriends. Competition is impossible to escape, as are insecurity, jealousy, laughter, and camaraderie. The relationship between Lenu and Lila felt so real to me.

I saw (and remember) my similar experiences in the budding interest in boys. The dawning awareness that some kids had a lot more money and bigger homes than others. I discovered that not everyone's homes were happy, and that money was important because it bought nice clothes along with social status. Most of all, I figured out that not everyone was excited about school, often because they had different goals - and different gifts - than I did.

All those things happened in My Brilliant Friend. In addition, Lila's wildness, intensity and brilliance result in symptoms that she calls "dissolving margins," supporting my theory that there's a fine line between genius and insanity.

What touched me about the story

Do you know Langston Hughes' poem, "Harlem?"

What happens to a dream deferred?      Does it dry up      like a raisin in the sun?      Or fester like a sore—      And then run?      Does it stink like rotten meat?      Or crust and sugar over—      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags       like a heavy load.

      Or does it explode?

That poem kept playing over in my mind as I listened to this book. I kept wondering about how many brilliant people out there, particularly women, were like Lila, stinking or sagging or ready to explode because they hadn't been able to achieve their dreams.

In My Brilliant Friend, Lila is undeniably brilliant. She reads everything she can get her hands on. (She takes library cards for every member of her family so that she can borrow more books.) She understands everything and masters concepts before Lenu, who must work very hard to achieve her good marks.

Lila is wild and uninhibited. Lenu is a rule-follower.

The childhood friends go in different directions, yet are still connected by the connection formed from their earliest contact. My Brilliant Friend ends with Lila's marriage at the age of sixteen. It's more important, however, to note that the beginning of the book starts when Lenu is sixty years later with Lila's son calling to report that Lila is missing.

New acclaim with the HBO/Max series

It turns out that the novel is not a stand-alone book, but one in a quartet of what's called "The Neapolitan Novels" because it takes place in Naples, Italy. My Brilliant Friend is the story of two girls, Lenu (short for Elena) and Lila, coming of age in a poor Italian neighborhood. Both are smart. Both are driven. Elena's family supports her education while Lila's family does not. Instead, Lila's brilliance is confined to her father's shoe shop and the traditional role and ultimate goal of an Italian woman in the 1960s: to find a husband.

Surrounded by eccentric, lovable, loud, detestable, and interesting characters, Lenu and Lila work to fit into their surroundings, figuring out how to express themselves within the constraints of cultural expectations.

(After listening to this book, I felt like I had grown up in Naples; the surroundings were so vivid. The names flowed off the tongue of the narrator, and I finished feeling like I could mimic the sound of a given Italian surname!)

One of the reasons My Brilliant Friend got noticed is that it came to the television screen.

The television series was produced by HBO/Max and first aired in 2018, with the last season airing in 2024. Filmed in Italian, you have to read the subtitles if you want to watch My Brilliant Friend! 

A note about the author

The book's author is listed as Elena Ferrante, a pseudonym.

The desire to know who Elena Ferrantes really is has sparked theories and amateur detective searches to figure it out.

She has been publishing for more than 30 years. My Brilliant Friend has sold 10 million copies in forty countries. The speculation is that the Neapolitan Novels are autofiction, a loose label for a subgenre that is a combination of autobiography and fiction.

The other novels in the quartet are The Story of a New Name; Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay; and The Story of the Lost Child.

Not a light-read, but a worthwhile one!

This novel is not a light-listen or an easy read. There are lots of characters from the neighborhood to keep track of. Boys and girls from school are mentioned frequently, and I had to concentrate to remember who was who. The novel spans more than a decade, so the people and situations are fluid and evolving.

It is also difficult to translate the steps in an Italian child's education because it is different than what we know in the United States. The surnames are obviously all Italian and not easy to remember for those of us who don't speak Italian.

Don't let those small factors throw you off! This is an interesting book that examines family relationships, gender roles, the impact of education, coming of age rituals. Most of all, it's about the power and persistence of female friendships.

You may feel compelled to check in with your third-grade bestie!

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